She came by today- she was scared and afraid.
She was tired and hurt and she wanted to stay.
I glanced at her angry and said, "please go away"-
She just stood there and stared and then started to play.
She was shaking a little, but that's never so strange.
She used to it now, the existing somehow-
she's waiting her turn to be loved.
Then she started crying and I told her I was trying
to make it all go away.
She said she was lonely and tired of the running
and just didn't understand.
At first I was was mad and then I felt sad.
So tired of knowing her name.
I wanted to yell and tell her to go;
And that everyone thought the same.
They thought she was healed or not even real,
though she was standing in front of their eyes.
She's so small and alone,
she just wishes for home-
There just isn't one for her anywhere.
But this little ghost I know better than most.
Her spirit dwells with me now.
I'll hug her again and tell her about when
she'll be loved and be happy one day.
I listen and hold her, and she falls asleep;
and then drifts away as she does.
But she'll be back, I count on that;
She's a ghost that just haunts me- sometimes.
for all the haunted ones
Lisa Nelson 2022
I wrote this poem today to get through a rough spot with a visit from my little ghost. She haunts me more often now that I am trying to move on with life. I'm realizing that I am carrying the weight of my childhood with me still.
Only certain things still weigh on me. Things I carry with me as scars on my body and mind. Most of the time, I can keep them hidden, but I have realized as I have gotten older, that there is no such thing as letting a trauma like that go, or, heaven forbid, when people say offhandedly, (without realizing it, to be fair), to "forget it and move on". I once told someone who said that to me that trauma leaves scars, and the best we can do is camouflage them or cover them, but they still live on us.
I am just looking for the person strong enough to help me carry them.
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